What do you wish for?

Do you base our choices on what you want, or what you think you're supposed to want? Let yourself feel what you feel and want what you want, THEN engage your mind in the process. The best wishes are born from your heart.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Permission To Give Yourself Permission

As my first monthly post on the topic of giving yourself permission to embrace your true wishes, dreams and desires and to be and do what makes you truly happy, I present my Hermit monologue from the PantheaCon 2012 production of Oracles from the Living Tarot*:

(Hermit is wearing a hooded black cloak and carrying a lantern.  Hermit steps forward, holding the lantern up.  The Fool sees the lantern and starts to follow the Hermit, staying behind, out of Hermit’s hooded line of sight. Hermit keeps trying to turn and see the Fool.  Finally, she throws back her hood and starts talking.)

As a Hermit, I'm supposed to avoid crowds of people, but when I walk around holding this lantern up, everyone wants to follow me!  "Take us where you're going!  Lead us to the top of the mountain!  Lead us into the deep, dark cave!  Lead us through the endless desert!  You must know the way!  You're the one holding the lantern!"

When I started on my Journey, I didn’t have a lantern to light my way.  I didn’t know what I was doing!  I felt like a Fool! (puts down lantern)

Then, all at once, I had a single, blinding moment of clarity.  There I was, freezing at the top of a mountain, or maybe I was stumbling in a deep, dark cave, or was I dying of thirst in the middle of an endless desert?  It really doesn’t matter where I was at that moment, all that matters is that I am myself.  I know that I know what I’m doing!  (She takes off the robe, handing it to the Fool, and reveals her carefree, fey self in a rainbow dress)

As soon as I had my own permission to know what I was doing, every step I took was perfect, I was enlightened, I started to shine like a beacon. (picks up lantern) I found myself holding up this lantern, and I found that every Fool wanted to follow me!  But honey, perfect as I am, I’m not the one you need to be following.  I can’t teach you how to be me, but I will do you a favour.

(The Hermit addresses the audience) I’ll do you all a favour.  At this moment, I give each one of you permission to give yourself permission to start following yourself!  I give you permission to remember your most secret, most impossible, most Foolish dreams and start living them!  I give you permission to light the fire of your heart, and to hold it up for all to see!  Here, you take the lantern! (The Hermit hands the lantern to the Fool, claps her hands in childlike glee and skips off.)

*Oracles from the Living Tarot was created by Catherine Starr, and was first performed by Magical Acts Ritual Theatre.  I started performing in yearly productions in 2003, and met many of my magical colleagues though Magical Acts and/or Oracles from the Living Tarot.  In 2006, I was in a production with Yeshe Rabbit and Lady Heaven, as well as Luna Pantera, and the friendships formed during that time played a significant role in the forming of CAYA.  The 2012 production was directed by Derik K. Cowan of the Circle of Dionysos, and featured joi wolwomyn as the Fool.  (And the Universe.  The Fooliverse!)  I am deeply grateful to everyone who has played a part in my journey through involvement in Oracles from the Living Tarot.

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